Things That Will Reduce Gas Prices By As Much As Offshore Drilling

1. Clubbing baby seals...recreationally

2. Littering

3. Mass-producing those plastic things that hold six-packs together and throwing them into the ocean

4. Removing breakwalls and anything else meant to prevent erosion.

5. Cutting down trees...in parks...again, recreationally

6. Introducing invasive species into ecologically fragile areas

7. Dumping hazardous waste into rivers

8. Targeting dolphins when fishing

All of these things will reduce gas prices by the same amount as offshore drilling. That is, they will have NO SIGNIFICANT EFFECT. In the words of the Energy Information Agency (part of the U.S. Department of Energy), "oil prices are determined on the international market...any impact on average wellhead prices is expected to be insignificant."

But if you're going to propose a completely useless energy policy solely to paint the other candidate as an environmentalist elitist, go all out. I hear clubbing baby seals can reduce gas prices by 87% (it's a psychological effect).